Pro Cras Tin Ate Ing
Apr. 8th, 2021 02:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mazecraft13I have to write a paper today for my Ethics and Law: Child Abuse class which is about as awful as it sounds. We have been given a selection of films that center around the topic and have to choose one to watch and write an assessment as if we were the attending clinician to the situation depicted. So before I subject myself to that trauma, I figured I would write out some of the swirly garbage living rent free in my mind.
I've decided to change therapists. As part of my program I am required to attend personal therapy which strangely enough (since I am going into the field) I have never done before. I have been with my current therapist since the Fall quarter and I have reached a point where I am certain we aren't a good fit for each other. I have already reached out to another therapist which strongly suggested I see my current therapist one more time (more or less as a termination session). I'm kind of irritated that my new therapist seemed somewhat insistent on it . Part of me feels like I'm throwing away $140 just to explain to dude that his yawning and looking at the clock all the time isn't conducive to therapy, nor is his habit of jumping to conclusions and foreclosing on topics before I feel like I have really processed them. And to add insult to injury, I know I am going to have to dance around the reasons why I am moving on so as not to discourage him or hurt his feelings because that is what I do. Always taking care of others at my own expense.
But it would be unethical of me to just ghost on him, right? I thought about just emailing him, but even that seems too impersonal. I just loathe having to explain anything to him and I am worried he may try to talk me out of moving on which I will not do. On the other hand, in spite of the money that he will lose with me gone, I think he may end up also being relieved. I don't think he is really all that interested in me as anything other than a weekly paycheck anyway. (See above inre yawning).
To be fair, I don't always feel like I have a great deal of content to bring to the room, and our sessions have been boring for me too on occasion. I also don't always know what to say, and I don't always have the words for what I do want to say. I have been self editing my words for so long that there is only a small dog-ear of space for thoughts about myself that I can share. Silent All These Years indeed. In spite of these difficulties, I have had more therapeutic sessions with fellow students in our practice dyads than I have with licensed dude, so yeah, it isn't just me.
In other news, my part time gig at the retail joint has been getting better and better, right up until they hired a new manager. They hired from outside the company (again) and though I can't speak to the reasons why they keep doing this, I'm certain they are going to end up with the same result. Our last manager was a pleasant (handshake and a backslap) sort of fellow that had no interest in learning the operations and mechanisms of the store. The place went to shit under his banner, and ended with him being fired after causing a covid outbreak in the store (I guess he thought he just had a cold?) during the holidays. Since he has been gone, with the help of managers on loan and a handful of toxic people departing, the store is actually looking and feeling like a pleasant place to shop and work.
But the new manager is (so far) even worse than the last one. Not only does he not seem to care about the operations and mechanisms involved in the store, he is also aloof and distant toward everyone there. He only seems to care about the money the store is making, but gives zero fucks about anyone that works there or our input as to why his proclamations are idiotic and ignorant of situational dynamics.
Thankfully I am only there three days a week now, and my investment in the place is minimal.
Speaking of investment, last year I spent a lot of time and money on D&D and was running my own campaign. But now I don't have time for it and I really miss it. <--Words I never thought I would find myself typing haha! I had friends that were into D&D years ago that I used to politely decline invites to join in their games. Part of it was the time commitment, but also my judgy ass thought it was lame. Now I think its awesome and I miss playing, I miss my group, and I miss DMing. Maybe I can put together a one-shot to run in between quarters?
Alright, off to watch White Oleander for my paper. If the topic has to be so heavy, I at least hope there is some sort of cathartic ending.
-Maze, the Judgy Judger that is Judging
I've decided to change therapists. As part of my program I am required to attend personal therapy which strangely enough (since I am going into the field) I have never done before. I have been with my current therapist since the Fall quarter and I have reached a point where I am certain we aren't a good fit for each other. I have already reached out to another therapist which strongly suggested I see my current therapist one more time (more or less as a termination session). I'm kind of irritated that my new therapist seemed somewhat insistent on it . Part of me feels like I'm throwing away $140 just to explain to dude that his yawning and looking at the clock all the time isn't conducive to therapy, nor is his habit of jumping to conclusions and foreclosing on topics before I feel like I have really processed them. And to add insult to injury, I know I am going to have to dance around the reasons why I am moving on so as not to discourage him or hurt his feelings because that is what I do. Always taking care of others at my own expense.
But it would be unethical of me to just ghost on him, right? I thought about just emailing him, but even that seems too impersonal. I just loathe having to explain anything to him and I am worried he may try to talk me out of moving on which I will not do. On the other hand, in spite of the money that he will lose with me gone, I think he may end up also being relieved. I don't think he is really all that interested in me as anything other than a weekly paycheck anyway. (See above inre yawning).
To be fair, I don't always feel like I have a great deal of content to bring to the room, and our sessions have been boring for me too on occasion. I also don't always know what to say, and I don't always have the words for what I do want to say. I have been self editing my words for so long that there is only a small dog-ear of space for thoughts about myself that I can share. Silent All These Years indeed. In spite of these difficulties, I have had more therapeutic sessions with fellow students in our practice dyads than I have with licensed dude, so yeah, it isn't just me.
In other news, my part time gig at the retail joint has been getting better and better, right up until they hired a new manager. They hired from outside the company (again) and though I can't speak to the reasons why they keep doing this, I'm certain they are going to end up with the same result. Our last manager was a pleasant (handshake and a backslap) sort of fellow that had no interest in learning the operations and mechanisms of the store. The place went to shit under his banner, and ended with him being fired after causing a covid outbreak in the store (I guess he thought he just had a cold?) during the holidays. Since he has been gone, with the help of managers on loan and a handful of toxic people departing, the store is actually looking and feeling like a pleasant place to shop and work.
But the new manager is (so far) even worse than the last one. Not only does he not seem to care about the operations and mechanisms involved in the store, he is also aloof and distant toward everyone there. He only seems to care about the money the store is making, but gives zero fucks about anyone that works there or our input as to why his proclamations are idiotic and ignorant of situational dynamics.
Thankfully I am only there three days a week now, and my investment in the place is minimal.
Speaking of investment, last year I spent a lot of time and money on D&D and was running my own campaign. But now I don't have time for it and I really miss it. <--Words I never thought I would find myself typing haha! I had friends that were into D&D years ago that I used to politely decline invites to join in their games. Part of it was the time commitment, but also my judgy ass thought it was lame. Now I think its awesome and I miss playing, I miss my group, and I miss DMing. Maybe I can put together a one-shot to run in between quarters?
Alright, off to watch White Oleander for my paper. If the topic has to be so heavy, I at least hope there is some sort of cathartic ending.
-Maze, the Judgy Judger that is Judging
